The days when it sucks…

Hello everybody!

First of I wanna say, there will be Spoilers to a book in here! Just so you can’t say that I didn’t warn you! šŸ˜‰

Since my husband has been gone for quite a few months now, I am pretty much used to being ‘alone’.
But sometimes…

The other day my mum gave me a book. My parents LOVE their son in law, my husband. My brother isn’t married yet and I’m the youngest, so the baby anyway.
They loved him pretty much from the start and I’m so glad they do because I was definitely worried how they would react when I bring home an american who is also in the military. But they have always loved him like a son.

Anyway,
My mum is really into trying to make my life as a military wife easier and so she got me that book, called ‘Married to the Military’.
I read it. Well I started.
I read the first chapter and I liked it. A family of 5, about to become a family of 6 and just showing their hectic lifestyle, so just what we want for our future.
The second chapter though…
They were married for 13 years. 3 little girls. He was in the Air Force.
They moved to Alaska and one night he got send out to do a flight in cery bad weather.
I guess you all know what happened. He didn’t come back.
I cried while I was reading it. I closed the book and cried. I kept crying for about 2 more hours. I had to put away the book, kinda burry it. I just had to. This probably sounds very dramatic but that’s how I felt.

I was so terrified. Terrified that one day I’ll have to tell our kids that their daddy died. Have those people come up to my front door and tell me that he passed. I just couldn’t handle it in that moment.

I didn’t tell anyone. Not my mum, not my friends. Not my husband. Not my mum in law who has 3 of her 4 sons in the Air Force. Nobody. Why? Because I felt like no one would be able to understand what I feel like.
There was only one person who I knew I could tell this without having to feel bad about it or anything like that.

Is it just because it’s the first deployment? I dunno. Will it get better the longer i live the military lifestyle? I dunno.

What I do know, is that I love my husband. He’s my everything. I’ll probably always be terrified of losing him. But being scared just means that you don’t want to lose that person you love so much.
He is worth everything. And I know that i would always make the same decision to spend the rest of my life with him.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this with the world. Or at least with everyone who reads this.
But why should I just share the happy moments? Life is everything. Sad and happy. And maybe, this will help someone who feels like they are alone with that feeling, like I did.

Have a good week everyone.
I’ll talk to you soon!!

__________________________

We chose this. We live this. We can do this. ā¤

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